


Try and Try Again

by Saucery



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bad Sex, Comedy of Errors, Established Relationship, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 07:18:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saucery/pseuds/Saucery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek can't seem to get the sex thing right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try and Try Again

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Если долго мучиться – что-нибудь получится](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1428604) by [CallMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMe/pseuds/CallMe)



> On [Tumblr](http://saucefactory.tumblr.com/post/59951314028/brooke-loves-teen-wolf-saucefactory), I said:
>
>> ALL OF A SUDDEN I WANT DEREK AND STILES TO HAVE “COMEDIC” SEX, LIKE THEY’RE KISSING AND STILES ENDS UP SLIPPING AND BANGING HIS FOREHEAD AGAINST DEREK’S NOSE OR THEY END UP BEING SO SEXUALLY (IN)COMPATIBLE THAT SEX BETWEEN THEM IS ALWAYS A SERIES OF HILARIOUS NEAR-ACCIDENTS
>> 
>> SLAPSTICK SMUT
>> 
>> IT NEEDS TO BE A GENRE
> 
>   
> Well, here's the story for it. 

* * *

 

"Y'know," says Stiles, cradling his nose and blinking tears out of his eyes, "maybe we aren't meant to have sex. Maybe we're destined to pine for each other endlessly, our hearts forever burning in unfulfilled lust, our nether regions rotting away to nothingness."

"Don't be melodramatic," Derek says, batting away Stiles's hand and checking on Stiles's nose himself, his fingers gentle on Stiles's face. "I haven't broken it."

"Oh, you haven't _broken_ it. That's nice. How did your elbow even get up here, anyway?"

Derek blinks, looking as flummoxed as Stiles feels. "I don't know."

"We're so sexually incompatible, man. I jabbed you in the kidneys the last time we fucked, and the time before _that_ I nearly bit your dick off. Not to mention the time you stepped on my foot when we were making out and then kicked me off the bed by accident."

"It's just been a run of bad luck."

"Bad luck? No way. It's a _curse_. It has to be. Your last crazy ex must've cast a curse upon you that wouldn't let you sleep with anyone else, ever again."

"Or maybe your room needs to be exorcised."

"Good point. Maybe the place we're doing it in is the problem. Let's try your house, next."

"Isaac's there."

"Tell him to stay over at Scott's, for god's sake. Given the amazingly hot and completely accident-free three-way sex Isaac's been having with Scott and Allison, he'll be more than happy to oblige."

" _Cora's_ there."

"Tell Peter to take her to Disneyland or something. Even though she'll probably end up clawing poor ol' Mickey Mouse to shreds, if he so much as looks at her wrong. Which, why would Mickey Mouse be looking at teenage girls wrong? That's seriously disturbing."

"Stiles," says Derek, "focus. Are we or are we not going to continue?"

Stiles sighs heavily, rubs gingerly at his nose, and nods. "Sure. Why not? If you don't mind getting freaky with Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer."

"It's not that red."

"Isn't it?"

"No." Derek draws Stiles close again, kisses him until he's breathless, and then says, "Let's give it another try."

Stiles winds his arms around Derek's neck, and grins. "Yeah. Let's."

 

* * *

**fin.**


End file.
